Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Another lesson from "Yes"[excerpt from "Yes Man"] "Well...whatever," he said. "What I'm saying is, there's so much we can learn from just accepting the way we are rather than being attached to the way we'd like to be."This sentence had a profound effect on me, particularly because I am struggling with some feelings right now that deal directly with what I am and how I'd like people to perceive me. And, because of that struggle, I am wondering if I have become involved with something because of what I'd like to be. All this came to a head yesterday with one little email, but even before that I'd been having doubts because of my lack of affinity with the person in charge. When I mentioned it to Sami last week, she totally understood because she didn't feel the affinity either.What most people call their "gut feelings", I have relied upon for guiding me through the past 8 years. I try for my highest, purest feeling in any given circumstance and go with that.With the art drawing class, it was an easy choice. I'd been yearning to become involved in art and this flyer appeared in my door at just the right time. Perhaps my highest feelings of love and joy were answered.Whereas, when this other opportunity arose, I wonder if it was answering my fears about what I was going to do now that marching band was gone from my life. Or my fear of how others perceived me and how I could sense their pity that I was no longer involved with something I loved.I work hard when I'm doing something I love. This new activity is going to require a lot of hard work and I don't yet feel the love. So, right now, my "gut" is telling me to cut and run. Well, not exactly run, but perhaps I don't need to have a title and can work as an underling until such time as the love is more apparant.We all know when something is a good fit, when we've made a decision that feels right. Sometimes we become involved with something because we're flattered to be asked. Sometimes we join because of the people. Sometimes because we're the only "man" for the job. And, sometimes it's because of how others will see us, titles, prestige...all that rot.I'm going to go sit in the hot tub and contemplate this some more.