Sunday, November 21, 2010

Don't Get Excited Just Yet

Sometimes I want to say, "Don't get excited just yet", because I know there's a lot of work to be done and many more changes that will bring it to the brink of excellence only to fall during the next session while I work on problems. I've been giving myself the same pep talk, personally, lately because I want to be excited about Sami coming home for Thanksgiving, but also know that her time will be divided between us, her boyfriend and her friends so we may not see half as much of her as we'd like. And I understand that. She has her work cut out for her, trying to talk her friends into coming to see her in Richmond, not as a group but individually and spaced out over the months so she has something to look forward to all the time and can learn to live with her loneliness. Me, I crave "alone time" as a friend coined a long time ago and made perfect sense to me. I was *never* alone growing up and craved a chance to have the house all to myself so I could crank up the music and dance or pound on the piano and sing at the top of my lungs. Sami, on the other hand, began her busy life at an early age: started competitive dance in 2nd grade, dance & TaeKwonDo in third grade, dance & TKD and drum lessons in 4th grade, dance & TKD & drum lessons and homework in 5th grade, dance & TKD & drum lessons & homework and band in middle school which then became marching band/concert band, drum lessons and homework in high school so there was no down time, no time to be alone but she didn't crave it like I did. She feared it. Feared that she'd become a "bum", as she put it, if she didn't always have something going on. I see that continuing now that she's in an place all by herself and just has a job to go to each day and not homework and projects hanging over her head when she comes home. She's craving activities to keep her from sitting in front of the TV or reading book after book after book. I wish her luck with finding a passion that will make the hours fly by, that will take her out of her aloneness and bring her into contact with interesting people and activities so that when she does finally sink into the sofa at the end of the day, it'll be with relief. Now that I'm alone a lot, I find that it's perfect for my craft. I sit alone in the hot tub or on the patio and the ideas flow. I stand upstairs for hours and work alone on my paintings and love the solitude. If I were to go out and paint regularly, I'd be perfectly happy to commune with nature alone and look forward to doing that when my body is tuned up. But, that's where I am in my life. I get excited at the prospect of several days of alone time so that I can really get some work done. It looks like I might have a couple of hours of uninterrupted time this afternoon, so I'm going to see what I can do with "Maverick".

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